Holy Yoga and My Original Design

Where do I even begin?
I guess I should start with saying, that God always shows up for me. I think He shows up for everyone, but sometimes people are so focused on the big things that they don't see how God is showing up in all of the small things (which really, any time God shows up it's a big deal). But I see Him in the big things and the little things. For me, He always shows up. I can tell you story after story of when I see God's hand in my life.
As soon as I arrived to Lost Canyon for my Holy Yoga training, He showed up in the simplest way. I was lost and didn't know where I was suppose to be. I had a bolster to give to some pregnant woman I didn't know and everyone else knew what and where they were going (at least it looked that way). I felt like I was in middle school approaching the school that seemed so huge and overwhelming. I was sure I was going to get lost. lol So I asked some random person if they had a clue what I was suppose to be doing, she led me to a HY leader who could help me. That leader happened to be the pregnant lady that needed the bolster :) She directed me to my cabin and told me what I needed to do. I found my cabin mates who I knew from our lifegroup calls and there I was no longer nervous about getting lost. So small right? Stupid to some, but for me being led to the exact person that needed something from me was a sign of God showing up for me.
From the very second I started looking into Holy Yoga, God has been leading me and showing up for me. I googled HY classes in my area and to my surprise there were actually classes close by. I continued going to my secular yoga classes and I have learned so so much, but one thing I always pray for is that God would help me to be His salt and light. To help me be bold when others ask "what is Holy Yoga?"  You see, I never want people to feel as if I am shoving my belief down their throat. I don't want to make them feel uncomfortable but at the same time I don't want to hide my love for God or the fact that everything in me is centered around Him. Being His child is WHO I am and I don't want to hide ME. So I pray for boldness. I pray for guidance. I feel like Christians have such a bad wrap because so many really are nothing like Christ. We don't exuberate His love and grace. Instead we pick and choose who is deserving of His love and grace.(usually we pick ourselves)

Honestly I don't know what others think of me, especially when I say I want to do Holy Yoga. I mean everyone knows I'm a Christian, but I really have no clue what people think about me. I pray constantly that God will help me to be bold. At HY retreat I never once mentioned my deep desire to be bold for God. I never mentioned that I struggle with trying to be bold but gentle at the same time. On the last day of training, my leader Sarah Henderson, gave all of us a little paper with our name on it. Each one of us had a phrase or a word on it. She anointed me with frankincense and prayed blessings over me. I put the tiny paper in my pocket. I wanted to save it for a time when I was alone. Once I got home and things settled, I crawled into bed and it was late. I opened my little paper and it said "You are BOLD in Him". I instantly started to cry. "How did she know? How did she know?" Once again I feel like God showed up for me. Those words on that little paper soaked into the depths of my heart. ~You are BOLD in HIM <3 Even now, as I look at those words it comforts me.

Growing up I have never felt like a leader. I have never felt fearless. I wasn't a confident person. I didn't have anything that I was so passionate about. I wasn't talented or really good at anything and none of that changed once I grew up and became an adult. Most people that knew me probably wouldn't believe it, but I have always lived a lonely life. I've had friends but never life long friends. Loyal to the end, be yourself ugly and all friends. I've been betrayed and broken by a few that "loved" me, causing me to bury myself so deep that I couldn't recognize my original design. The design God created me to be. Going through my Holy Yoga training it has taught me more than just yoga. It has showed me who I am through God's eyes. It has helped me to search deeply, into those dark hidden corners of my heart where I was buried and in those places God has restored light. All the people He placed in my life on this journey have helped me to peel back all those layers. I know that there is more to discover, area's to grow. But leaving HY training I realized that I am a leader. I'm not confident in my abilities but in the abilities of God and His desire to use me. I still don't feel fearless but I know that He is the source of my strength and I can go to Him with my fears. I have discovered my passion not just for yoga, but for people. For their heart, to encourage and build. My passion to point them to Jesus so they can discover their original design. Lastly, the one tangible thing I left with from HY, is my Spiritual Tribe. These girls became my family, my sisters. I know that if there was anything I needed I could go to them. They would see the ugly and still love me. My heart feels so full and I'm so thankful that God always shows up. I don't know what the future holds. I don't know where I will lead HY classes,  I don't have a clue what is in store for me but I do know that He always shows up. He wants to use me. He designed me for this reason and God never lets anything go to waste. How has God shown up for you? Do you see Him in the small things?

                                                                                              

                        

Psalms 119

73 Your hands made me and formed me;
    give me understanding to learn your commands.
74 May those who fear you rejoice when they see me,
    for I have put my hope in your word.