And So My Journey Begins...

Tonight I paid in full and registered for my Holy Yoga certification courses. Instantly my stomach felt sick. 1. because it is a lot of money 2. because I doubt myself so much 3. because I am excited about what lies ahead.  I have never had a panic attack but I did have to slow my breathing and I did start crying. I am so thankful for my husband who has been so supportive and he believes in me so much.
So why do I want to do this? What am I even thinking? I began doing yoga since August 2015. That isn't very long and I'm not sure how long others have been doing yoga before they decide to become an instructor but I do know that it is my heart's desire to become an instructor. I believe that yoga is so amazing for the body. It has been a workout like none other that I have done. And it is more than just the body, it is about the mind and the spirit. But what I love the most is that I can meet Jesus on my mat. I love that I can meditate on His words, I can praise Him for the blessings in my life. I can beg him to help me, to strengthen me. Whatever is on my heart, I bring it on my mat and I give it to Him. For those that are confused let me run through my routine of what I do.
I arrive on my mat and I sit down. I pull out my essential oils, my favorite is Believe (from Young Living) I put a drop on my hand and rub my hands together then place one hand on my heart and one on my forehead. I close my eyes and I pray. I come to His throne and I ask Him to meet me on my mat, in my practice. I then apply my peppermint and deep relief to support my muscles and my respiratory system (my breathing). I lie down on my mat and I will think about what I want to gain from my practice. "Father, help me. Help me to forgive. Help me to love. Help me to be patient." These are some of the things I ask. "God you are able. I thank you for the breath you breathed into me." As I begin my practice, every time I reach for that breath I imagine God breathing life into me. Every time my arms are raised to the sky, I am reaching for His hands, giving all that I have to Him. Every time I am in a pose and I feel weak I think "I can do all things through Christ" Whenever we hold a pose and I am dying to come out of it and we finally do, I say "this is grace." You see, all of my practice is centered around worshiping God, drawing closer to Him. Sure, I am working out and I am focusing on leaning forward, lifting my foot, straightening my leg, pulling in my abs, breathing etc..... But I never forget God. The final pose is the resting pose. Just lying on your back. As I lie there I thank Him for a body that is able. For my health. For my life, my breath, my salvation. I ask God to help me to carry that breath throughout the day. When things get hairy, and I want to give in or blow up, that His breath will return to me.
That is my practice. That is me, meeting Jesus on the mat. It isn't my only form of worship. It isn't my only time with Him. But it is one of the ways that I connect with my Heavenly Father.
This is why I want to be a Holy Yoga instructor. So I can encourage and teach others to meet Jesus on their mats. To encourage them to carry His breath with them throughout the day. To hand their burdens over to Christ. To praise Him for a body that is able. I know that there is fear and doubt. I question myself, but that isn't from God. I know I have prayed about this, I believe that He is guiding me and drawing my path before me and I will continually come before His throne and find my confidence in Him.
If you have never attended a Holy Yoga Class, I encourage you to do so. :)

He Knows When My Heartbeats

I'm sitting here at my desk, I have the Piano Guys playing on Pandora. The kids are all tucked in for the night but I can still hear Ben talking to Abby. The laundry is tumbling around and around and I know that tomorrow is going to be a busy day so it will probably need to be ran a second time to get the wrinkles out (plus I like laying in the clothes when it is nice and warm :) I just got over a 24 hour stomach flu and so I am sipping on honey/lemon/ginger/peppermint essential Oil infused water. As I am sitting here, I am reflecting on the day and on the message at Sagebrush Church this pass Sunday.  Last week when my husband and I were out on a date he shared his heart with me on some things, I also some things that were on my heart. Fears. Insecurities. Doubt. Uncertainty. Then on Sunday Pastor Todd preached a message as if he was eavesdropping in on our conversation. Word for word he said exactly what my husband had said to me. I know it wasn't Pastor Todd eavesdropping, but God sure was and that just lifts my soul. You see, God pays attention. He listens to all the words that we say, and all the thoughts that we think, He hears them all. Sometimes He lets us work things out for ourselves and then sometimes He speaks to us through others.

As January approaches I am to start my classes on becoming a certified holy yoga instructor. When I start to even think about it I can feel my heart start to quicken. I feel the nervousness on the surface of my skin. Then the flood of negative thoughts come pouring into my mind. I will watch all these amazing people on Instagram do all these crazy strong yoga poses and I think, I have to be where they are in order to be qualified to even become certified. Which logically I know that isn't true. But our minds can be our worst enemy. But can I say that GOD HEARS MY EVERY HEARTBEAT!!  He is my Master and my Creator. Not only does he hear my heartbeat but He hears and feels every fear that floats in between.
I began listening to past messages about Fear by Pastor Todd, and I would still question and wonder or more appropriately doubt myself and God. I have a heart for helping others, especially those that have experienced heartache. I believe that I can help more people that I wouldn't generally come in contact with through being an Holy Yoga Instructor. I want to inspire people, to encourage them and lift them up. I want them to draw closer to God in the their hearts and on their mats. Yoga has done that for me and I am so thankful for it. But in the back of my mind was a constant voice of self doubt. Then it happened again. God spoke to me and lifted my soul through someone else. This person isn't a close friend, we don't even know each that well but she sent me a message through facebook and then she asked me where I was going to get my certification and I told her. I also said that I am excited and scared at the same time. She said this to me, "I think you would be phenomenal .. You have a calm and confident presence.. You've been practicing with (so and so) a lot who is actually a master instructor and (so and so) who is crazy experienced .. She has years upon years under her belt .. That's two fantastic instructors to have been practicing with .. and if it's calling you.. Then I say go for it .. " and "I'm sure you will do amazing. Don't be scared..
Trust in the lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding .. Acknowledge him in all your ways and he will make your paths straight
Proverbs 3:5-6

After reading this I began to cry because I respect this person, I respect her opinion and what she thinks. I didn't know she was a Christian. I felt like God used her to be an encouragement to me, to my beating heart. I feel like more than ever, this is God's will for me. I feel as if His hand is upon me and His blessings. So I want to praise Him, because even though he is so busy, He still takes the time to quiet my thoughts, to be the breath that I need. He hears the beat of my heart and the cries in between. I serve a loving God and I am forever grateful.

2016 has a lot in store for me. We bought a new home and we'll be moving into it at the end of January. I will start homeschooling my oldest and I will be taking classes as well towards becoming a Holy Yoga Instructor. I am so thankful to have God by my side because I can never do any of this alone.

Namaste

Moving Forward

Am I the only one that thinks moving forward can be scary? Let me explain. We have been renting for some time now and we are now in the position to BUY our own home!!! Exciting right? Well there is more to it. We have to look for homes within my kids school district. Because of this the houses are limited and more expensive, add in how much we are qualified for and there is basically 5 houses to choose from. We have 4 kids and so we need at least a 4 bedroom home and I would like a yard. So we now have a house that we found to be close to what I want. It is a 5 bedroom 3 baths and a small backyard. It's nice. Not my dream home but I think I can really dress it up and make it my own. MY OWN! That is what really matters right? Yet I have a fear in me about moving. Maybe it is the feeling of excitement and the fear of something going wrong and being let down? As I am typing my thoughts, I feel like that is probably the reason for my fear. Fear of being let down. Disappointment can be difficult to handle. Usually you just feel it in your heart and so "oh well".

The next area of my life that is moving forward is in my Yoga Practice. Since I started doing Hot Yoga I have felt an overall shift in my attitude. I think my kids and my husband can verify that for me. I have become more intentional with my words which transfers into my actions. I am trying to teach my kids to be more positive and when fear arises I want them to know how to talk about those fears and face them. Yet here I AM, and I am choosing to move forward in my passion for Yoga and my passion for worshiping God. I want to become a certified Holy Yoga instructor. Can I just sit here and list my fears?
1. Where am I going to get the money?
2. What if I am not strong enough to be a instructor?
3. I doubt myself. I say I can't even get the right alignment for this simple pose, what am I thinking?
4. What if after I get certified I can't find a job. I will have wasted all that money for nothing.
5. Am I capable of really making a difference?

That is just a few of my thoughts, my fears. I believe everything will work out, especially if this is a path that God put in front of me. I can do all things through HIM which strengthens me. Doubt and fear will always be in the back of my mind, but I can't feed it. I can't give into it because then I will never become certified and I will never be able to encourage others on the MAT. When we are to face our fears I think it is wise to face them with realistic views. Ask the question "what is the worse that can happen?" Most of our fears are from our imagination. Things that haven't yet taken place. That is why so many people struggle with change. They find security in staying in the same place, the same position. But you can't grow without change. You can't learn or expand in your life if you are not willing to move forward. My "one word" for 2015 is Moxie. Moxie means a Force of character, determination or nerve. I want to be a Moxie girl. I want to move forward to grow with force, with determination. 2016 is right around the corner and I don't know what it holds, but I can say that for me, 2015 has been all about moving forward, personal growth. I hope you choose to move forward instead of staying stagnant. One of my Yoga Instructors will say at the end of class "you can move forward and grow, or step back into safety." I choose to grow.

***Young Living Essential oils that I use to help me release negative emotions and thoughts are : Release Blend: Ylang ylang†, Olive oil, Lavandin†, Geranium†, Royal Hawaiian™ sandalwood†, Grapefruit†, Tangerine†, Spearmint†, Lemon†, Blue cypress†, Davana†, Kaffir lime†, Ocotea†, Jasmine*, Matricaria†, Blue tansy†, and Rose†

Believe Blend: Abies balsamea† (Idaho Balsam Fir) oil, Coriandrum sativum† (Coriander) seed oil, Citrus aurantium bergamia† (Furanocoumarin- free bergamot) peel oil, Boswellia carteri† (Frankincense) resin oil, Picea pungens† (Idaho Blue Spruce) aerial parts oil, Cananga odorata equitoriona† (Ylang ylang) flower oil, Pelargonium graveolens† (Geranium) flower oil.

White Angelica Blend: Prunus amygdalus dulcis (Sweet almond) oil, Citrus aurantium bergamia† (Bergamot) peel oil (Furocoumarin free), Commiphora myrrha† (Myrrh) oil, Pelargonium graveolens† (Geranium) flower oil, Santalum paniculatum† (Royal Hawaiian sandalwood) wood oil, Aniba rosaeodora† (Rosewood) wood oil, Cananga odorata† (Ylang ylang) flower oil, Picea mariana† (Spruce) leaf oil, Hyssopus officinalis† (Hyssop) leaf oil, Melissa officinalis† (Melissa) leaf oil, Rosa damascena† (Rose) flower oil

Frankincense Essential Oil
Lavender Essential Oil

Are You a Builder? Or a Destroyer?

Words are so powerful. The things we say can completely build someone up or tear someone down. OR the words you say can either build YOURSELF up  or tear YOURSELF down. Sometimes I find that I am my own worst enemy. How often do we go throughout the day and look at yourself in the mirror and say "ick"? Or maybe you skip the mirror all together? We have all been there or have had days that we feel so disgusted by our self image. Do we not realize the harm we are actually doing to our body by thinking those things? We are simply confirming all the lies that have ever been told to us. Now, what about our children? I have to be honest. There have been times when I have gotten so upset with my oldest and I have just torn her down. I am not proud of that, in fact it breaks my heart. But the truth is, sometimes she just really really knows how to get under my skin and I break. I lose my temper and my mouth will spew painful words. I'm not always talking about name calling either. I'm talking about when I say stuff like "that's it I just can't stand you right now. Go!" or "For the love, just shut your dang mouth!" Yup, I'm that horrible. It truly truly breaks my heart to know that my anger has gotten the best of me. Here I am trying to detox my home of all the brain rotting chemicals, yet the most toxic thing can be our words, our thoughts, our actions. We fill our house with them. I have 4 kids and I will tell you that when you speak to them  in this manner, they will speak in the same manner, to others. That negativity spreads like wildfire. Hurt from one gets passed on to the other. But this is my journey. It is never too late to change the bad into good. I am learning to be intentional with my words. I have to stop and think of how to say something with love. Because I have to be intentional and THINK, it causes me to be slow to respond. I am also trying to do more things and say more things to build my children up. "Abigail, you are incredibly smart, you can do anything." "Josiah, I think you are really improving with your handwriting." "Elliana, I think you are so funny. Thank you for making me smile." "Benjamin, I love you so much." I also send notes with them in their lunches. I never know what kind of day they may be having and a note might be just the thing to turn their day around.
This week I have to bring snacks for Elliana's kindergarten class. I didn't really prepare so I just decided to make homemade popcorn with coconut oil. I was going to just put them in ziploc baggies and be done with it. Then I started thinking, I wonder if the other kids ever get a note from their parent in their lunch box? So I pulled out my Sharpies and wrote a note on each bag. "You are amazing!" You are so funny!" "You are super duper smart!" " You are fun to be around!" "You are special!" "You are so strong!" "You are totally awesome!"

These are simple little phrases and they may not even take notice of what it says, or maybe it will mean the world to them.
THEN, I started thinking about when I was a little girl. Did my Mom ever tell me things like "You are so awesome!" "You are so smart!" " You are amazing!" ? I honestly can't recall a single time as a young child when my Mom had lifted me up. That doesn't mean she never told me those things, she just didn't tell me them often enough for me to remember. I do remember one time my dad telling me "You are so observant." and you know what? I prided myself on being "so observant" from then on out. Even on the day of my wedding, my Mom asked my soon to be Husband, " Are you sure you want to marry her? All she knows how to do is sit pretty." Fast forward 14 years later and my Mom told me a few months ago that she thinks I am such a great mom and I have such great kids. Those words are engraved on my heart for forever.
 As parents, our words are the MOST IMPORTANT thing in the world to our children (no matter how old they are). So how are you doing? It's easy when things are all pink and rosy but what about when you are at your limit? What about to your husband? Our husbands need us to build them up. If there is anything that I have learned to be true from the Christian College I went to it's that men really do need their ego's stroked. They need to know you appreciate them and all that they do. etc. etc. etc. And guess what? So do YOU. We need to be kind to ourselves, we need to appreciate our body that we have and the amazing things it can do. I birthed 4 beautiful little tiny (actually they weren't so tiny) human beings. I carried them inside of me and then nursed them for over a year. I think sometimes we even underestimate what our body can really accomplish. In Yoga they always say "love yourself so you can love others. Forgive yourself so you can forgive others" God gives me grace every single day. So why not give myself grace? And instead of taking advantage of it why don't we let His grace motivate us to do better the next day. Be a builder. Not a destroyer. If you have a bad day, apologize to those you hurt and do better the next day.

Releasing Fear From Deep Within

Fear.  Probably the most scary word of all. It is so powerful, so dangerous, so debilitating. What age does fear creep into our mind, into our heart? I'm sure it's different for everyone, or maybe we are born with fear already seeded into our body? Then of course there are different types of fear, but all fears lead to the same path, destruction. The only fear that does not lead to destruction but freedom is the fear of God. (which isn't really fear of Him but fear of breaking His heart)
Fear is probably one of the easiest emotions to let into our lives. We hand our hearts over to Fear, and the more we feed it the greater it grows. Taking root into the soil of our heart and body. And I mean that literally. We store our unresolved emotions in our body.  Our emotions possess energy/frequency and when we do not release those emotions, we end up storing them internally. So, imagine a young child who has been bullied whether by a parent, sibling or peer. As they get older that fear deepens and transforms into insecurities, trauma, negativity and ultimately sickness. Friend, we ALL have fears, we all have experienced hate, hurt, betrayal, loss, rejection. Nobody is exempt from fear. But that does not mean we have to give into it. We do not have to believe it, or hand our power over to fear. Instead we need to recognize it. Embrace it in order to release it.
What are the effects of fear? Click here to read full article

Effect on thinking

Once the fear pathways are ramped up, the brain short-circuits more rational processing paths and reacts immediately to signals from the amygdala. When in this overactive state, the brain perceives events as negative and remembers them that way.

It also stores all the details surrounding the danger—the sights, sounds, odors, time of day, weather, and so forth. These memories tend to be very durable, although they may also be fragmented.

Later, the sights, sounds, and other contextual details of the event can become stimuli themselves and trigger fear. They may bring back the memory of the fearful event, or they may cause us to feel afraid without consciously knowing why. Because these cues were associated with previous danger, the brain may see them as a predictor of threat. This often happens with post-traumatic stress disorder (PSTD).  For example, a soldier who experienced a bombing on a foggy day might find himself panicking when the weather turns foggy—without knowing why. 

Right now I am taking a trauma Holy Yoga class. Yoga is amazing for helping you release those negative emotions. In fact meditation, prayer, or focus with intention can raise one's body's frequency.Why is that such a good thing? Well let's look at what happens when you your frequency gets low because of fear.

Impact of chronic fear

Living under constant threat weakens our immune system and can cause cardiovascular damage, gastrointestinal problems such as ulcers and irritable bowel syndrome, and decreased fertility.

Fear can impair formation of long-term memories and cause damage to certain parts of the brain, such as the hippocampus. This can make it even more difficult to regulate fear and can leave a person anxious most of the time. To someone in chronic fear, the world looks scary and their memories confirm that.

Moreover, fear can interrupt processes in our brains that allow us to regulate emotions, read non-verbal cues and other information presented to us, reflect before acting, and act ethically. This impacts our thinking and decision-making in negative ways, leaving us susceptible to intense emotions and impulsive reactions. All of these effects can leave us unable to act appropriately.

Other consequences of long-term fear include fatigue, clinical depression, accelerated ageing, and even premature death.

So whether threats to our security are real or perceived, they impact our mental and physical wellbeing.

Negative emotions effect your body, it lowers your body's frequency which causes cellular damage. Now that we have established how fear can break us down mentally, physically and emotionally let's talk about how to let go of those fears. 

"I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me. He freed me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4 NLT"  

For me, prayer is a huge part of letting go. There are several ways one can pray. I pray while I am practicing yoga, I journal my prayers, I get on my knees and cry, I sing songs that our my prayer, often my heart simply whispers my prayers. Because I am a visual person, I usually envision myself handing over my fears, my hurts to God.
However there are times when I feel fearful, but I don't know why or what it is that is causing it. I don't understand why certain things can trigger a feeling of fear within me. I think, that it comes from something that is hidden within my brain, within my heart. Something I have forgotten taken place, something I chose not to remember. All I know is that there are triggers that cause me to feel fear. In order for me to let go of those fears, is to dig down deep and find them. This is where Yoga and Essential oils have helped me. In Yoga when you are stretching in a pose, opening up those hip flexors, twisting the spine, pulling knees up to the chest, doing back bends and opening up the heart, you are detoxing those area's that have stored emotions. These poses combined with prayer/meditation and breathing helps to tap into the emotions that we did not even know existed. Now I know some of you will read this and think it is some kind of new age mojo, folks this isn't anything new. Why do some people cry when they go to a chiropractor for an adjustment, or bawl their eyes out during a "relaxing" massage??? I can tell you from personal experience that it is real and it is freeing. Okay, so next, adding essential oils.  Young Living essential oils are therapeutic grade. There is so much information about essential oils supporting our body's systems.

 Connie and Alan Higley state in the “Reference Guide for Essential Oils”, “High levels of sesquiterpenes, found in the essential oils of frankincense and sandalwood, help increase the amount of oxygen in the limbic system of the brain, particularly around the pineal and pituitary glands. This leads to increase in secretions of antibodies, endorphins, and neurotransmitters. Also present in the limbic system of the brain is a gland called the amygdala. In 1989, it was discovered that the amygdala plays a major role in the storing and releasing of emotional trauma. The only way to stimulate this gland is with fragrance or the sense of smell. Therefore, with aromatherapy and essential oils we are now able to release emotional trauma.”

To use essential oils to support our limbic system, it is best to inhale them deeply or simply put a drop on your wrists or bottom of your feet. For aromatic use, try putting 3-4 drops of several different essential oils into a diffuser and sit nearby to enjoy the benefits. A quick method is to drop one drop into your non-dominant hand and with your dominant hand, press your palms together and rotate 180 degrees. Then cup your hands tightly over your nose area and breathe in as deeply and as smoothly as you can three full times. Then rub the left-over essential oils on your shoulders and on the back of your neck at the base of your skull.

[from Lesson 36 in The Essential Oil Truth by Jen O'Sullivan © 2015] 

Combining yoga with prayer and therapeutic grade essential oils, you better bring a hanky. Let me tell you what happened to me a few weeks ago.  I was attending a Holy Yoga class. It was more of a light and fun class. I was giggling as I toppled out of my balance pose, struggling to do my chaturanga (chaturanga) then finally we come to savasana (our final resting pose). As i'm lying there on the floor, steadying my breath, closing my eyes and just relaxing in the moment, my instructor comes along and says she will be doing some touch therapy using essential oils. She just so happen to use Young Living as well and had the blend "Believe". She came around and when it was my turn she put a drop in her hand, rubbed her hands together then pressed on my shoulders, tugged upward stretching out my neck and cranium then gently pressed my temples. That was it. I inhaled the essential oil. The smell was intoxicating, so I breathed it in as deeply as I could. All of a sudden I could feel it in my body. I could feel the emotions rising up from a pit in my stomach. I started crying and then bawling. At the same time I was like "what the heck is wrong with me?". I felt foolish for crying so hard with everyone in the room. I later chalked it up to being hormonal being that I was about to start my cycle. But when it happened a second time I was a firm believer that this essential oil was trying to help me release emotions that I have had locked away. I began doing a trauma holy yoga class and now I have my own bottle of "Believe". When I use it I pray that God will open my heart and mind to what I need to let go of. Maybe it is forgiveness. Maybe it is bitterness. Maybe it is FEAR. 

After my first session in trauma holy yoga, I got in my car and the radio was on. A song called "Oceans" by Hillsong United was playing. I never cared for the words of the song because why would I want God to test my faith??? To take me to the borders of my faith? That's crazy. But I had a revelation. I saw a little girl, standing on the ocean. Under the water the word Fears floated around. The cross was within her site. And as long as she focused on the cross she was able to face her fears. But eventually the fear began to splash all around her, grabbing at her ankles, causing her to lose her focus, her balance. She begins to sink, suffocated by her own fears. She has 2 choices. Hold her breath and be swept away, forever lost or fight with all that she has to overcome those fears, and let the cross set her free.  

Oceans

You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

So I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

[6x]
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

Oh, Jesus, you're my God!

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine