Are You a Builder? Or a Destroyer?

Words are so powerful. The things we say can completely build someone up or tear someone down. OR the words you say can either build YOURSELF up  or tear YOURSELF down. Sometimes I find that I am my own worst enemy. How often do we go throughout the day and look at yourself in the mirror and say "ick"? Or maybe you skip the mirror all together? We have all been there or have had days that we feel so disgusted by our self image. Do we not realize the harm we are actually doing to our body by thinking those things? We are simply confirming all the lies that have ever been told to us. Now, what about our children? I have to be honest. There have been times when I have gotten so upset with my oldest and I have just torn her down. I am not proud of that, in fact it breaks my heart. But the truth is, sometimes she just really really knows how to get under my skin and I break. I lose my temper and my mouth will spew painful words. I'm not always talking about name calling either. I'm talking about when I say stuff like "that's it I just can't stand you right now. Go!" or "For the love, just shut your dang mouth!" Yup, I'm that horrible. It truly truly breaks my heart to know that my anger has gotten the best of me. Here I am trying to detox my home of all the brain rotting chemicals, yet the most toxic thing can be our words, our thoughts, our actions. We fill our house with them. I have 4 kids and I will tell you that when you speak to them  in this manner, they will speak in the same manner, to others. That negativity spreads like wildfire. Hurt from one gets passed on to the other. But this is my journey. It is never too late to change the bad into good. I am learning to be intentional with my words. I have to stop and think of how to say something with love. Because I have to be intentional and THINK, it causes me to be slow to respond. I am also trying to do more things and say more things to build my children up. "Abigail, you are incredibly smart, you can do anything." "Josiah, I think you are really improving with your handwriting." "Elliana, I think you are so funny. Thank you for making me smile." "Benjamin, I love you so much." I also send notes with them in their lunches. I never know what kind of day they may be having and a note might be just the thing to turn their day around.
This week I have to bring snacks for Elliana's kindergarten class. I didn't really prepare so I just decided to make homemade popcorn with coconut oil. I was going to just put them in ziploc baggies and be done with it. Then I started thinking, I wonder if the other kids ever get a note from their parent in their lunch box? So I pulled out my Sharpies and wrote a note on each bag. "You are amazing!" You are so funny!" "You are super duper smart!" " You are fun to be around!" "You are special!" "You are so strong!" "You are totally awesome!"

These are simple little phrases and they may not even take notice of what it says, or maybe it will mean the world to them.
THEN, I started thinking about when I was a little girl. Did my Mom ever tell me things like "You are so awesome!" "You are so smart!" " You are amazing!" ? I honestly can't recall a single time as a young child when my Mom had lifted me up. That doesn't mean she never told me those things, she just didn't tell me them often enough for me to remember. I do remember one time my dad telling me "You are so observant." and you know what? I prided myself on being "so observant" from then on out. Even on the day of my wedding, my Mom asked my soon to be Husband, " Are you sure you want to marry her? All she knows how to do is sit pretty." Fast forward 14 years later and my Mom told me a few months ago that she thinks I am such a great mom and I have such great kids. Those words are engraved on my heart for forever.
 As parents, our words are the MOST IMPORTANT thing in the world to our children (no matter how old they are). So how are you doing? It's easy when things are all pink and rosy but what about when you are at your limit? What about to your husband? Our husbands need us to build them up. If there is anything that I have learned to be true from the Christian College I went to it's that men really do need their ego's stroked. They need to know you appreciate them and all that they do. etc. etc. etc. And guess what? So do YOU. We need to be kind to ourselves, we need to appreciate our body that we have and the amazing things it can do. I birthed 4 beautiful little tiny (actually they weren't so tiny) human beings. I carried them inside of me and then nursed them for over a year. I think sometimes we even underestimate what our body can really accomplish. In Yoga they always say "love yourself so you can love others. Forgive yourself so you can forgive others" God gives me grace every single day. So why not give myself grace? And instead of taking advantage of it why don't we let His grace motivate us to do better the next day. Be a builder. Not a destroyer. If you have a bad day, apologize to those you hurt and do better the next day.