What do you do when Satan tries to break you down by reopening old wounds? When he does all that he can to plant anger and hate in your heart for people that you have already forgiven? When he uses those that have betrayed you to further hurt you, it becomes difficult to surrender. Satan likes to provoke problems. He is an instigator and a destroyer. He wants to keep you in a place without love, without forgiveness.
So this is where I am. Things have taken place that have reopened old wounds, allowing emotions of hurt flood my soul. Not just hurt, anger as well. Area's that I have surrendered feel trespassed by Satan. It can be so exhausting trying to do what is right. To love with a Christ like love. To make yourself vulnerable over and over to people that really could careless about you.
In yoga, when a pose is difficult your body will naturally adjust to make the pose easier for you to hold. When this happens often times you are not in correct form,which can lead to injury in the long run. You may feel like you are holding the pose right, you may feel like you are working hard but it isn't until the instructor comes and adjusts you into the correct position, do you really know how it is suppose to feel. And although the pose may take a lot of strength and his difficult it is actually helping you, making you stronger. Opening you up for change in the body.
When things become difficult and hurtful in life our go to reaction is to get angry. Anger numbs the hurt. It is easier to give into anger, but in the long run it just injures you. It begins to spread into the corners of your heart, taking it over like a disease. So what do I do? Do I give into it? No. You have a choice, you can choose to hurt and find contentment in the pain.
When it is difficult to hold a pose in yoga, we say to breathe. The type of breath we use is called "ujjayi" breath which means "warrior" breath. This breath carries you in life as well. In those moments that seem to knock you right on your butt. This breath is the breath that fills your lungs and slows your heart rate, calms your mind. It allows you to think rationally vs. emotionally.
So I breathe. In my breath I pray. I surrender to the hurt and I come to my mat. I cry, I pray, I breathe, I move. Not just physically but spiritually in my heart I move. I examine who my enemy truly is and why he is trying so desperately to destroy me. You see, my relationship with God is stronger than it has ever been. I read my Bible every morning and soak in His Word. I pray for my family, friends and our country. I talk with my kids about gratitude and every morning we say what we are thankful for and what we love about God. But the biggest change is my heart. My perspective and longing to have that relationship with my heavenly Father. Because then I am sensitive to the Holy Spirit and when I am walking in the Spirit then my relationship with my husband and kids are strong and sweet. This is why I can not give in. I can not allow Satan to plant seeds of hate in my heart. I can not give into what is easiest. Instead I choose to come to my Master Instructor and allow Him to adjust me. Adjust my heart, adjust my spirit. Instead of focusing on the ones that hurt me, I change my perspective and count my blessings.
I am married to my best friend. I have a marriage that once was broken but has been restored and made stronger. I have a bond with my children that is unbreakable and special. I get to stay home and be with my kids and yet still do what I love, yoga. I am living out my hearts desire as a Holy Yoga Instructor. This comforts me so much because God is using me and I want Him to use me. My family isn't broken and my family is everything. I am happy. I am grateful. I am loved. I am His. I am needed. I am wanted and I will not allow Satan to destroy any of it. All to Jesus I surrender.