I have just a few days before I am off to retreat in Williams AZ. I will be doing a week long intensive training to become a certified Holy Yoga Instructor.
But my dear friend, Christina who leads HY at my church, asked me if I wanted to lead class this Thursday, April 28th. I said I would, but of course my stomach got butterflies and fear crept into my heart.
But this is what I am created to do, I truly believe that. Not because I'm so good at yoga (because I'm not) but because I want to encourage others and help them to experience Jesus on the mat like I do.
So I began praying because when Fear grips you, you pray right? I began asking for wisdom about what to say, what to do. Everything from the Bible verse to the music to the poses. I began to write it all out and I went to my mat to practice and I couldn't do it. I thought " geez, what is wrong with me?" I loved the music but I didn't feel natural. I kept looking at my notes, I was trying to keep up with the timing. Finally I walked off my mat.
Later I prayed some more and God gave me a verse. Luke 6:45 "A good person produces good things from the treasury of a good heart, and an evil person produces evil things from the treasury of an evil heart. What you say flows from what is in your heart."
Father, what is in my heart? Show me. I decided to get back on my mat. I turned my music on and I began. I spoke as if I was speaking to the people in the class. I spoke what I think when I'm practicing yoga. I sang. I praised. I cried. I moved. You see, when you ask God to speak through you, to use you, you can't prepare. You have no idea what to prepare for until God tells you. He created me to do this very thing. All I need to do is say what is in my heart. And my heart says, "I am broken. I am damaged. I am not perfect. So very very flawed. But Jesus has paid a price on the cross for me so I can be healed. All the pain in my heart can be replaced by His love. All of my regrets and insecurities can be replaced with His perfect and constant grace. All of my wrong doing is replaced with His forgiveness. He offers healing and restoration but it is I who must choose to accept that healing and to replace all my broken pieces with His perfect pieces." that is what my heart says. My Father. My Abba who loves me immensely. He will never forsake me. I can look on my life and see the times when He has shielded me from the arrows of Satan. He held my hand while I was dangling of the edge of a cliff and He never let go. Even when I wanted Him to. Because my God is might and He wants to lead me into rest.
So there isn't any room in my heart for fear, for Satan's lies. I am but a vessel willing to be used and I pray that His living water will run through me.
What flows from your heart? Truly. You can have courage and face what is truly there, because though it may be broken as mine is, though it may be tainted or hardened, God can restore all things. For we are His creation and we are His heartbeat.
